Who Built Your Identity?

Who shapes our identity- ourselves or the world around us? A visual look at the search for self.

What is the self? The mere composition of mind and body? Is it the amalgamation of our entire lived experiences? From the memories we harbor to our daily actions? To put it simply, who we are today is shaped by our environment. An environment that encompasses the people surrounding us, such as our parents, friends, significant others, pets, and others, as well as larger social institutions like schools, neighborhoods, churches, and the government. Our environment even extends to social media, the political spaces we exchange with, or even the games we play. Identity is an ecosystem of mini-worlds, with some components central to our lives, and others superseded and overlooked over time. Do those “dead” parts hold significance for our identities now, or did we lose them in the process of becoming someone different? The philosophy of self and identity is constantly questioned and pondered. It intersects with the psychology of understanding oneself and how we build our identities through our developmental journey. Understanding and grappling with your identity typically becomes an issue during the adolescent and early adulthood developmental stages, when constructing an identity is a challenging process.

Do we choose to build our identity?

When we decide to invest hours in learning a skill like playing a musical instrument, we are rewiring parts of our brain to form new neural pathways to incorporate something that could become a part of our lives. You develop, build, or strengthen values or ideas that define who you are. But what if you do not willingly decide your own identity? Consider a boy named Trace, for example, who grew up surrounded by music. His parents, who were musicians, taught him how to sing and play instruments, as they wanted him to follow in their footsteps. He had no say in this devotion. His environment heavily influenced his identity formation. In his case, he didn't create his identity; rather, it was built for him. For people like Trace, who grow up with their values and fate decided for them, there can be a period of identity confusion and crisis. In college, where Trace is responsible for steering his own life, he struggles to understand what he wants and how to take control. Does he abandon his musical identity because he never truly loved music? Or does he hold on to what he believes is his identity, which might actually belong to his parents? Sometimes we must ask ourselves, “Is this part of me truly my identity, or someone else’s?” The search for self-understanding is a challenging and winding journey, often hindered by facades that conceal what we eventually find to be our true identities. While some of our identities are directly shaped by external forces, others are crafted by our own hands, subtly influenced by outside influences. 

Comparison and Identity

We compare ourselves to more people than we realize, unknowingly shaping our identities in the process. And most of it stems from herd mentality. When you see your mates wearing baggy pants and street-style outfits, you try to fit into that fashion, convincing yourself and others that you have always been that person fashion-wise. Likewise, if you plan to attend medical school, you may tweak your social media algorithm to display content solely related to medical school and its glorification. You watch an incessant number of videos of people studying for eye-creasing durations of hours while doing everything else in their lives perfectly, according to their social media records. Of course, you want to be like them, so you try to be them. And if we fail to capture and replicate a fraction of the romanticized lifestyle, we crumble mentally. We inadvertently try to shape our lives based on what we see, and social media primarily orchestrates this.

So What?

Who built your identity? This question is only for you to answer. It is meant for you to assess parts of your life and to question them. What if a reason for your mental deterioration is because of an identity crisis? Just the act of evaluation is a great start. But there is no promise that evaluation will calm the chaos. Identity formation and continuity remain confusing and difficult concepts. And sometimes, further experiences in life help us to clarify our identities. Knowing who—or what— built your identity can help develop or rebuild your identity into something you are truly happy with.